i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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