I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
