Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
