Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
