What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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