I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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