Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
