my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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