I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
