i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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