dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
