I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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