you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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