oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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