My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Who died my cat blue again?
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
