her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
