Already got asked if we're dating
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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