he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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