Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize