I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
