Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
