somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
