I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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