Dude my mom stole all your condoms
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
