he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
