I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
