are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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