I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize