I feel like abortions should bother me more
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
