who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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