wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
