ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
