my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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