When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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