fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
