you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
