No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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