Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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