the condom got lost in my hair
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
