Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
