Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
