Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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