what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
