I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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