Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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