Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You took a bar mat shot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize