I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
