Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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