So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
