I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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