Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
did you just send me my own nude
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
