I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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