You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
