glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
