she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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