Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
