hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
