I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
