wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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