i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
