I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
