we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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