Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
